Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I believe actions will always show character, not spoken or written words... I want a chance to show Trina that I have forgiven her, show her that I am a good father, and not hold any hard feelings toward her. The only thing is, she will not contact me in any form, send me pictures of my daughter at any level, and continues to ignore my plead for resolution.

I am not writing to do anything but always be truthful. I still have been doing what a good father does, and that's loving my children unconditionally, and never giving up my pursuit to get Emily back into our lives. As far as I know, I have been replaced by Henner Antonio Chavarria Romero as Emily's fake father, and co-conspirator to the long term crime. This blog is NOT about him, I just want to point him out, so anyone can analyze his character as a person that knows right from wrong and continues to conspire with Trina to keep Emily blind of knowing her "real" loving father.

Up to date, I have never posted anything negative about Trina, her family, or friends... I will continue to take the high road and not stoop to their level. You see, I know a LOT about her family, and if I was to disclose all I know, it would make me look just as bad as them (mostly Trina). Please understand I am not a vengeful person, malicious, or hateful. Everything I have ever posted can be proven, everything she has posted has NEVER been proven or she would've put it on the internet for the entire world to see. Doesn't this make sense to anyone??? I think the only people it makes sense to are the people that know better, and fellow kidnappers the people that have aided and assisted with the crime would disagree only because they don't know anything else but to live in fantasy land.

All I ever wanted is to have Emily in my life, nothing more. Now that it has been over 4 years, I am determined to prove that this will not continue beyond this year, and because of the new Senate Resolution and other resources I have gained, I promise I will make sure this is the year I hold my baby girl again.  The main thing is, I want to do this with cooperation and make this easy for Trina to come back to the USA so we can work it out amicably and not have to use legal force.

I have forgiven Trina. I have learned the only way to get forgiveness is to give it, and this entire battle has only made me a stronger parent and man.  I have never had to threaten her or her family to get my point across and will not ever do so, once again, if I had threatened anyone, it would've been plastered all over the internet. So for those of you that still believe she is "protecting" Emily, why don't you ask her why she hasn't "exposed" me for the monster she claims I am, and provide the evidence she has claimed to have as well??? It's because none of this exists.

I just want to set things right and give Trina the opportunity to come home and be a mother to both of her daughters, by actively participating in both of their lives.  I think it is horrific that one child gets the personal love and affection, and the other doesn't. I also think it is more horrific when a mother thinks her love is more important than that of a loving father. Studies has proven that a biological fathers love is vital to the growth of a child, especially for a little girl growing up.

My plead - Please Trina, come back, I will beg to have the warrants dropped, I have been and will continue to go to parenting classes, I will jump through hoops to prove to you that I am a good father (which won't be hard for me since that's all I know how to be), I will do whatever it takes... just come back. I don't want this to become another legal battle that may get you in trouble with the law, as well as your family and friends that have assisted you. I will forget the past, and keep focused on the future for our daughter and other children we have. Will you please do the same? You don't have to like or love me, just do that for the innocent children that continually suffer on a regular basis. The children deserve the BEST.

Let me actions speak, and yours as well... PLEASE.

Below is an activity that I did with Tai in Cub Scouts (I am the assistant Den Leader), which will show you who is "still" on his mind, and yes, he still considers your other daughter to be his older sister (so does Rhys). All they want is to be with their sister/s.

Please make things semi-normal for our children. I beg you.

Sincerely,

Roy

A little taste of my character...

Here are a couple letters from dear friends I have known for a very long time... I could use more as it is getting closer to my time to go back in front of a judge. Thank you to all that have always stuck in there with me, as it has been a long hard road.

A Father's Influence

The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children

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Author(s): Office on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Children's Bureau Rosenberg, Jeffrey., Wilcox, W. Bradford.

Year Published: 2006

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You are in section:                Table of Contents Erratum Preface Acknowledgments 1 - Purpose and Overview 2 - Fathers…Children's Well-Being 3 - Fathers…Child Maltreatment 4 - Effective Fathering 5 - Fathers and Initial Assessment and Investigation 6 - Fathers and Case Planning 7 - Services for Fathers 8 - Fatherhood Programs 9 - Federal Fatherhood Initiatives Appendix A - Glossary of Terms Appendix B - Resource Listings Appendix C - State Telephone Numbers… Appendix D - Cultural Competence Self-Assessment… Appendix E - Tips for Dads Appendix F - Healthy Marriages

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Section I
2. Fathers and Their Impact on Children's Well-Being

A noted sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood. "Fathers are far more than just 'second adults' in the home," he says. "Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring."⁶ Fathers have a direct impact on the well-being of their children. It is important for professionals working with fathers—especially in the difficult, emotionally charged arena in which child protective services (CPS) caseworkers operate—to have a working understanding of the literature that addresses this impact. Such knowledge will help make the case for why the most effective CPS case plans will involve fathers.

This chapter lays out the connection between fathers and child outcomes, including cognitive ability, educational achievement, psychological well-being, and social behavior. The chapter also underscores the impact of the father and mother's relationship on the well-being of their children. While serving as an introduction to the issues, this chapter is not intended as an exhaustive review of the literature. For the reader wishing to learn more, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/index.shtml), the National Fatherhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org), and the National Center for Fathering (www.fathers.com) are valuable resources.

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2.1 The Impact of the Mother-Father Relationship on Child Outcomes

One of the most important influences a father can have on his child is indirect—fathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support.⁷

One of the most important benefits of a positive relationship between mother and father, and a benefit directly related to the objectives of the CPS caseworker, is the behavior it models for children. Fathers who treat the mothers of their children with respect and deal with conflict within the relationship in an adult and appropriate manner are more likely to have boys who understand how they are to treat women and who are less likely to act in an aggressive fashion toward females. Girls with involved, respectful fathers see how they should expect men to treat them and are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships. In contrast, research has shown that husbands who display anger, show contempt for, or who stonewall their wives (i.e., "the silent treatment") are more likely to have children who are anxious, withdrawn, or antisocial. ⁸

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2.2 The Impact of Fathers on Cognitive Ability and Educational Achievement

Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. A number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities.⁹ Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers.¹⁰

The influence of a father's involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. Numerous studies find that an active and nurturing style of fathering is associated with better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.¹¹ For instance, a 2001 U.S. Department of Education study found that highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 percent more likely than other children to earn mostly As and 33 percent less likely than other children to repeat a grade.¹²

The Link Between Marriage and Fatherhood

Caring, involved fathers exist outside of marriage. They are more likely, however, to be found in the context of marriage. There are numerous reasons for this, not the least of which being the legal and social norms associated with marriage that connect a father to the family unit. That may also explain, in part, why research consistently shows that the married mother-and-father family is a better environment for raising children than the cohabitating (living together) mother-and-father family.14 It is interesting to note that, contrary to stereotypes about low-income, unmarried parents, a significant majority—more than 8 in 10—of urban, low-income fathers and mothers are in a romantic relationship when their children are born.15 Most of these couples expect that they will get married. One study found that more than 80 percent expected they would get married or live together. However, only 11 percent of these couples had actually married a year later.16 Why they do not marry is an interesting question open to conjecture. However, as Dr. Wade Horn, Assistant Secretary for Children and Families at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has pointed out, it may be because these couples receive very little encouragement to marry from the health and social services professionals with whom they come in contact.17

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2.3 The Impact of Fathers on Psychological Well-Being and Social Behavior

Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children also are less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood.¹³ Infants who receive high levels of affection from their fathers (e.g., babies whose fathers respond quickly to their cries and who play together) are more securely attached; that is, they can explore their environment comfortably when a parent is nearby and can readily accept comfort from their parent after a brief separation. A number of studies suggest they also are more sociable and popular with other children throughout early childhood.¹⁸

The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child's emotional and social development. Fathers spend a much higher percentage of their one-on-one interaction with infants and preschoolers in stimulating, playful activity than do mothers. From these interactions, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior. Rough-housing with dad, for example, can teach children how to deal with aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions.¹⁹ Generally speaking, fathers also tend to promote independence and an orientation to the outside world. Fathers often push achievement while mothers stress nurturing, both of which are important to healthy development. As a result, children who grow up with involved fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them and more likely to exhibit self-control and pro-social behavior.²⁰

One study of school-aged children found that children with good relationships with their fathers were less likely to experience depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie and were more likely to exhibit pro-social behavior.²¹ This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behavior problems and that girls had stronger self-esteem.²² In addition, numerous studies have found that children who live with their fathers are more likely to have good physical and emotional health, to achieve academically, and to avoid drugs, violence, and delinquent behavior.²³

In short, fathers have a powerful and positive impact upon the development and health of children. A caseworker who understands the important contributions fathers make to their children's development and how to effectively involve fathers in the case planning process will find additional and valuable allies in the mission to create a permanent and safe environment for children.

Dispelling the Stereotype of Low-income Fathers

It is very important for anybody working with fathers, especially CPS caseworkers, to dispel one common stereotype: the image of low-income urban fathers as disengaged and uninvolved with their children. As Dr. Michael Lamb has stated, "Our research really bashes the stereotype of the low-income father. These fathers care about their kids, but may not show their love in conventional ways and sometimes a lack of a job, poor communication with the mom, or even their own childhood experiences can prevent them from getting involved."24 Too often, professionals may assume that a low-income, urban dad who does not live with his children is uninvolved with, even unconcerned about, his children. This can push a father away from his family, the exact opposite of what a CPS caseworker wants to see happen.

⁶ Popenoe, D. (1996). Life without father: Compelling new evidence that fatherhood and marriage are indispensable for the good of children and society (p. 163). New York, NY: The Free Press; Stanton, G. T. (2003). How fathers, as male parents, matter for healthy child development [On-line]. Available:http://www.citizenlink.org/FOSI/marriage/A000002226.cfm. back
⁷ Lamb, M. E. (2002). Infant-father attachments and their impact on child development. In C. S. Tamis-LeMonda & N. Cabrera (Eds.), Handbook of father involvement: Multidisciplinary perspectives (pp. 93-118). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum; Cummings, E. M., & O'Reilly, A. W. (1997). Fathers and family context: Effects of marital quality on child adjustment. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.), The role of fathers in child development (3rd ed., pp. 49-65, 318-325). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons; Lamb, M. E. (1997). Fathers and child development: An introductory overview and guide. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.),The role of fathers in child development (3rd ed., pp. 1-18, 309-313). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons. back
⁸ Gable, S., Crnic, K., & Belsky, J. (1994). Coparenting within the family system: Influences on children's development.Family Relations, 43(4), 380-386. back
⁹ Pruett, K. (2000). Father-need. New York, NY: Broadway Books; Sternberg, K. J. (1997). back
¹⁰ Pruett, K. (2000). back
¹¹ Goldstine, H. S. (1982). Fathers' absence and cognitive development of 12-17 year olds. Psychological Reports, 51, 843-848; Nord, C., & West, J. (2001). Fathers' and mothers' involvement in their children's schools by family type and resident status [On-line]. Available: http://nces.ed.gov/pubsearch/pubsinfo.asp?pubid=2001032. back
¹² Nord, C., & West, J. (2001). back
¹³ Yeung, W. J., Duncan, G. J., & Hill, M. S. (2000). Putting fathers back in the picture: Parental activities and children's adult outcomes. In H. E. Peters, G. W. Peterson, S. K. Steinmetz, & R. D. Day (Eds.), Fatherhood: Research, interventions and policies (pp. 97-113). New York, NY: Hayworth Press; Harris, K. M., & Marmer, J. K. (1996). Poverty, paternal involvement, and adolescent well-being. Journal of Family Issues, 17(5), 614-640; Pleck, J. H. (1997). Paternal involvement: Levels, sources, and consequences. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.), The role of fathers in child development (3rd ed., pp. 66-103). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons. back
¹⁴ Palkovitz, R. (2002). Involved fathering and child development: Advancing our understanding of good fathering. In C. S. Tamis-LeMonda & N. Cabrera (Eds), Handbook of father involvement: Multidisciplinary perspectives (pp. 119-140). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum; Wilcox, W. B. (2004) Soft patriarchs, new men: How Christianity shapes husbands and fathers. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press; Hofferth, S., & Anderson, K. (2003). Are all dads equal? Biology versus marriage as a basis for paternal investment. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(1), 213-232; Clarke, L., Cooksey, E. C., & Verropoulou, G. (1998). Fathers and absent fathers: Sociodemographic similarities in Britain and the United States.Demography, 35(2), 217-228. back
¹⁵ McLanahan, S., Garfinkel, I., Reichman, N., Teitler, J., Carlson, M., & Norland Audigier, C. (2003, March). The fragile families and child well-being study. Baseline national report. Princeton, NJ: Center for Research on Child Wellbeing.back
¹⁶ Gibson, G., Edin, K., & McLanahan, S. (2003, June). High hopes but even higher expectations: The retreat from marriage among low-income couples. Princeton, NJ: Center for Research on Child Wellbeing. back
¹⁷ Horn, W. (2003). Closing the marriage gap [On-line]. Available: http://www.crisismagazine.com/june2003/horn.htm.back
¹⁸ Pruett, K. (2000); Lamb, M. E. (2002). back
¹⁹ Parke, R.D. (1996); Lamb (2002). back
²⁰ Parke, R.D. (1996). back
²¹ Mosley, J., & Thompson, E. (1995). Fathering behavior and child outcomes: The role of race and poverty. In W. Marsiglio (Ed.), Fatherhood: Contemporary theory, research, and social policy (pp. 148-165). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. back
²² Mosley, J., & Thompson, E. (1995). back
²³ Horn, W., & Sylvester, T. (2002); U. S. Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (1996). The relationship between family structure and adolescent substance abuse. Rockville, MD: National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information; Harper, C., & McLanahan, S. S. (1998).Father absence and youth incarceration. Paper presented at the Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association, San Francisco, CA; Brenner, E. (1999). Fathers in prison: A review of the data. Philadelphia, PA: National Center on Fathers and Families. back
²⁴ Marsiglio, W., Day, R. D., Braver, S., Evans, J. V., Lamb, M. E., & Peters, E. (1998). Social fatherhood and paternal involvement: Conceptual, data, and policymaking issues [On-line]. Available:http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/CFSForum/c4.htm.

This is love...

This letter is from her older brothers... the other children that are directly affected by the decision made by kidnapping Emily to Costa Rica. I guess how they feel doesn't matter to Trina, as they have been erased from Emily's life too. They still get very sad when they think about what precious moments they are missing with their little sister. It's called child abuse, kidnapping, and now is viewed as a criminal offense thanks to Senate Resolution 543.

Make the best move for all the children Trina, and comeback while I am still willing to not use the new SR 543... I don't want you to be in jail. I want Emily in both out lives, as well as having her know her brothers and sister. Please do what is "really" right... not what you have convinced your fellow kidnappers and other people that don't know the entire truth about "your" real past that I have never disclosed publicly. I am keeping a lot quiet, not for your benefit, but for our children... I just wish you had the same intentions, but kidnappers only think of themselves. Time to step up to the plate, please...

4 Years ago the crime was executed...

4 years ago Trina Atwell from Marshfield, MO executed the crime of kidnapping she and her family planned for over 4 months. She did a great job of setting me up so she could take everything I had in order to make things almost impossible for me to put up a legal battle. Little did she know I would never give up, as she has expressed she thought would happen in a statement she made to the media.

Winners never quit, and losers hide behind excuses. I have never understood why she felt that lying about me and my character would make the world come to her side, the only people that have are her family (which they helped her commit the crime and may face the consequences of the new SR 543 for aiding and abiding), and her best supporters are other known kidnappers (birds of a feather flock together). 

As for me being what she has claimed, she has yet to prove one word of her story to be true. I have been approved to volunteer at the local grade school as a WATCH DOG DAD and school volunteer (which they are doing extensive background checks due to what happened in Newtown, CT), and now recently have become the assistant Den Leader for my youngest son's Cub Scout pack.

I am not on here to try and make myself look anything but how I have always been... I am a father looking to have my daughter in my life. Period. I've never claimed to be perfect, but I can testify that I am not anywhere near what she claims I am. Funny thing is I have several people that have written character letters stating what type of father and person I am in real life.

Her story is just that, a story (fictional of course). It seems that if you cry to enough people, and have a sister that makes a career on marketing & media, you can convince people of just about anything these days... the only thing they have ALWAYS lacked, is ANY EVIDENCE of her bogus claims.

At this point all I care about is seeing my daughter. There was a point where I thought she was best suited for jail, but this was early in the process and I knew Emily still knew who I was... she has done such a good job at hiding my existence from my daughter that now I feel it would be best if she returned to the USA and we work things out that will "actually" be the best for Emily. I have reached out in many ways to set this up, but "she" still acts like she is above the law, at least from my perspective. Until I see anything different, how should I feel? She does nothing to make sure Emily gets to know her brothers, as she could do this through my ex-wife (the mother of my boys) who is neutral so the boys might be able to see/speak to the only sister they have, and miss with all their hearts.

I can't wrap my head around how she can be so heartless and still gain the respect from "anyone" in this world. I truly believe she has spun such a horrific lie, that she can't turn back from trying to make it "the" reality in her life... it's too bad that she'll probably lose Emily later in life for good as I have been contacted by other adults that were the kidnapped child, and have told me they NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE PARENT THAT ABDUCTED THEM. She "thinks" Emily will make the right decision later in life, but doesn't realize she has already made it for her, and it's time that will show her just how much hate she will create in a little girl that should love both parents. i am not just using speculation, or hoping she despises her mother (as this is the opposite of what I pray for), but history tells the truth. Just ask any child that was abducted and found out later how the abducting parent made all the choices, and NEVER gave the child a chance to know the left behind parent.

This whole story is a sad one... many people want it to end, but it will never end until Emily is where she "belongs" and that is in the USA with all of her family, not just her mother, being raised as an only child.

I'm still giving you a chance to make this right Trina, as I have reached out to an International Organization willing to help us make it happen... Taking this route can help you and your helpers avoid a lot of trouble, and give "our" daughter back what has been kept from her for the last 4 years.

The next step can be yours, and will show the world your grace... or???